The members of your faction (which you tried to avoid becoming the leader of) nevertheless want you to at least pretend to run for the presidency of the ruling Liberal Democratic Party.
How do you sabotage your own candidacy--aside from the Edwin Edwards ways?
How about saying stuff like:
"Taxes? What am I going to do about taxes? I am going to DOUBLE them, that's what I'm gonna do."
"I will guide Japanese foreign policy in a new direction, relying on the advice and consent of Roh Moo-hyun and Hu Jintao in all my decisions."
"I'm gonna take money from the areas of Japan where the population is growing and where industries are adding value to the national economy...and give that money to places that have been losing population for decades and have parasitic industries that survive only through subsidies and government contracts. Yep! Uh-huh, uh-huh."
Ooooh, you sly devil! But somehow I do not think even a grand guignol act of political seppuku will be enough to get you named Minister of Foreign Affairs of the First Abe Cabinet.